Monday, December 29, 2008

Hush Your Mouth!

You know how I have my favorite Craigslist loony who writes these detailed descriptions of the most random shit. She posts treasures like this daily:

Every new bride knows you gotta have china.

For your consideration is this beautiful vintage embossed swirl set made
in China, featuring rosebuds among a single bloom, lavender wispy ferns,
with green leaves and stems. I believe this is a Moss Rose pattern. A
very nice delicate added touch is the gold trim that surrounds the cup and

It is a refreshing example of fine porcelain china presented in a delicate
design, pattern and painting style. Both lovely display objects will grace
any table, curio or china cabinet. Cup features intricate handle, and both
footed pieces are with vivid colors.

Here is a delightful set from Zhong Guo Zhi Zao is made by Phoenix H
circa 1980-1990.

Cup and saucer is definitely a vintage work of art, and has a lot going for
it. Porcelain is unusually light but strong – making this the ultimate
experience of a delicious cup of brewed tea, coffee or chocolate.

Maker’s mark inscribed in black scripted Chinese and English lettering
under glaze authenticates both pieces as a factory matching set with the
number ‘9’. Black and white back stamp under glaze features trademark
logo with 2 peacocks and the letter ‘H’ in the center. It is followed by
Chinese script and the words ‘Made In China’.

Shiny glaze. 22 kt. gold trim intact. Nice ring tone when gently struck.
No crazing or cracks. Small 1/16ths inch chip to handle made at factory
level – China has an embossed swirl pattern so unnoticeable unless you
are looking for it. Saucer is pristine. May have minor scuff marks – if
any. Well kept. Colors are vivid and bright. White is white. Overall,
looks great and very clean.

All that for a $9 teacup from the early 1990's. She even describes how the teacup sounds when gently struck. I don't know about you but that's at the top of my list of questions when buying a cheap ass second hand teacup and saucer off Craigslist.

Apparently other Craigslist regulars are beginning to tire of the elegance of this Craiglist Cuckoo and have called her out, asking her to get her own ebay store. One brute went so far as to post this:

I agree with the previous poster asking why not just get an eBay store....
I'm like the others....very tired of reading a dadblasted novel about every little trinket that you have found at the thrift store for the last 12 years...
And please stop overposting while you're at it.

She's listed at least 10 more items since she was called out, showing that she's a true lady of elegance and perseverance.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

That Was Misleading

I just opened my computer to a headline reading, "Deicer Sucked Into Cabin of Airplane" and I got a little alarmed. I was picturing an actual human being wearing a name tag that said, "Jamie: Deicing Crew" being sucked into a closed airplane. I just didn't know how on Earth that could even be possible so I had to actually read the article, which went on to explain that a de-icing chemical had managed to enter the cabin of an airplane on the tarmac. That makes a lot more sense.

Unfortunately I wasn't shocked at the news that several passengers had to seek medical attention due to burning eyes. Those people can get a sniff of Windex and see dollar signs.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Seriously. The Sequel

I had three standout customers today.

1. Tag Switcher. Tag Switcher brought a nice sweater up to the counter and when I rang it up, the cost was around $5 and the description was for a t-shirt. When I brought this to her attention and pulled up the true price of the sweater, Tag Switcher protested loudly by saying, "Oh no, no NO" and turned around and left. A coworker pointed out that Tag Switcher is a regular and tries that old switcheroo on everyone. Sure enough, the tag was distressed where she had removed it from one shirt to put on the sweater.

2. Queen of Customer Service. QofCS brought a pair of pants that were marked $4.99 to the register. They rang up for around $8, then with the discount went down to $6. I'm not sure where the markdown sticker on the pants came from, because ours are easily peelable and we have some goofballs with access to a sticker gun, but either way it wasn't a valid price. I brought the discrepancy to the manager on duty's attention and she said that we couldn't sell the item at that price. I got a lecture from the QoCS about the policy at Macy's, then she told me she owned a business, blah blah blah. I know I had the "You are seriously not arguing with me over a $6 pair of pants" look on my face. She kept on and on so I told her I'd be happy to return the pants for her and as I went to process that, she decided that she really indeed wanted the pants.

3. Ghetto Trick. Ghetto Trick was missing a few teeth, very loud and chewing on a See's Candy lollipop as she tried to scam a few gift boxes out of us. She had a kid who she plopped down in our little kids entertainment section and ignored until we heard customers gasping, then we saw her kid- sitting buck naked in our kids chairs. GT tried to hand us a piss soaked Pull Up to put in the trash. How I managed to keep the "Oh Hell no" in my mouth I may never know, but I did manage to direct her to the trash can in the mall corridor in a ladylike manner. She left the kid in the store in his jeans while she did that and I was talking to him when he said, "My pants are wet" and sure enough, he had stood there and pissed his pants. By the time Ghetto Trick was back in the store, that kid had stomped around the kids area in his piss pants.

Today was a pretty lively day.

I'll See Your Easy Spirits

And raise with these Crocs.

My coworker and I were talking today about our need for new shoes (ha) so on my lunch, I was hanging around outside starbucks waiting on a friend and I wandered over to the Crocs kiosk and got flirted with by the little lesbian sales clerk. I bought a pair of shoes. For me. Crocs. They are actually pretty cute and very comfy. I was wearing jeans with cute little Eddie Bauer patterned socks (about 5 years old) and when I put on my new Crocs, the socks peeked out a little bit and it was a good look. You know, for Crocs. I was feeling a little dorky until my coworker stuck her foot out and showed me her new shoes. She had bought Easy Spirits. I had to laugh at her.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


I worked today at my retail job. I had one bitch who really tried my patience. Normally, our customers are way nice but this one today just took the cake for being a pain in the ass. We have a promotion going on now where you get a voucher type deal for a future purchase for a certain dollar amount and this lady had a huge arm full of clearance merchandise and had me ring up every. single. fucking. item and read her the final amount for each piece. Then she would sit there and debate with me and herself about whether or not she was going to purchase the items, one by one. We had a line going out of our door and I seriously must have spent 20 minutes with this woman over a bunch of clearance crap. After the fourth transaction (of course she wanted all this shit in separate batches) she comes around the counter to put her bags under my feet so that she could do some more shopping in the store.

I love my job and most times it's a pleasure to help people, but if I made the rules I'd ban that chick from the store. I'm clearly not cut out for management.

Monday, December 1, 2008

I'm Alive!

Thanks to those of you who have checked in on me! I'm alive and well, just as busy as can be.

In early November, I accepted a job at a well known children's clothing store (if you know where I work, don't out me because you know I will end up talking shit about them at some point) and I have been working my ass off since then. I have never made so little money per hour in my entire life, but then again I've never had so much fun at a job. It gets me out of the house and gives me a reason to get dressed and I have made a lot of new friends. People that know me from preschool or the neighborhood are shocked to see me working. My children, especially Moggie, have become little fashionistas and can't wait to see what I've brought home for them each time I work. The timing of starting my job and them needing warm clothes coincided so I think the girls think that my sole mission with this work gig is to bring them a new outfit every day.

To get to the point, trying to be a good wife, mother, friend and employee has led to me being a suck ass blogger. I had to squeeze in a 10 minute call to my dad this morning between errands to wish him a belated happy Thanksgiving. That's how badly I suck.

Please accept my flimsy excuses and I promise that I'll try to get into interesting situations and blog about them soon. I'm seriously considering hosting a little cocktail hour at my house next weekend for my new workmates. That should make for at least one funny post, right?