Happy Birthday, Moggie!

My baby is four today!

Hockey is for the Birds

In our quest to become more healthy in 2008, Fidel has started going to our local NHL team's practice rink to ice skate for exercise. The thing about Fidel is that he really immerses himself into his interest du jour. I've been calling him Brian Boitano and asking him how he's landing his triple lutzes, but unfortunately he's not taking interest in the figure skating as much as he's taking an interest in freaking hockey. I'm not a sports person but our tv has been on hockey this evening. I went upstairs and took me a nice long shower and shaved everything from the head down, blew out and flat ironed my hair, and came down stairs and hockey was still on. Sheesh. At least when he was having grill mania I got fed nicely. I'm grateful that spring is around the corner because I'd much rather have bbq than watch hockey. BBQing is a husband hobby that I can fully support.

I Completely Suck

This afternoon, I was at the bus stop with some other neighborhood moms. When the kids started piling off of the bus, one mom said, "Did you smile pretty for your pictures?" and I said, "CRAP". I did say that out loud in front of a gazillion elementary school kids and their too-young-for-school siblings, and I did completely forget that it was spring picture day at school. Despite the repeated reminders sent home in the book bag and via email.

The funny thing is that the reminders said to "Wear your best clothes" and I sent Tootie in a Gymboree llama shirt, and a pair of jeans with a hole in the knee and her everyday sneakers. With a non-matching barrette. The good news is that spring pictures aren't in the yearbook, the bad news is that the class picture was made today. Hopefully one mom sent her kid to school in their jammies with unbrushed hair. That would really take some of the shame off of me.

Happy Valentine's Day!

First of all, let me just tell you that if you haven't checked out Pioneer Woman Cooks (--> link is over there) you are missing out. Tonight for VD dinner, I made her garlic roasted mashed potatoes and roasted beef tenderloin, added my own sauteed spinach and it was to die for. Even Fidel, the meat snob, approved of the tenderloin. I also made the chocolate pie she posted this week and O.M.G. Words cannot describe that pie, you just have to make it. I will never again let chocolate pudding mix cross the threshold of my home.

Now that the food discussion is out of the way, I hope you all had a great Valentine's day. I spent the majority of my day being ordered around by a 3-year old tyrant, and the rest of the day cooking. Not very romantic but our dinner was fantastic and soon the children will be in bed. Later we will have a little bow chicka bow bow and the day will be done.

ETA: I notice that none of you want to talk about my sex life. Luckily for you, I went upstairs and crashed out so there's nothing interesting to say.

It's the Flu - Where is that Chilly Willy??

I took Moggie to the doctor this afternoon and came out with a pissed off kid who was just diagnosed with the flu. Do you think the booger germs are any different in your nostrils versus up behind your eyeballs? Moggie had to give the doctor a Look, Bitch for that one. She actually said, "Hey, you POKED me!!" but I know a good Look, Bitch when I hear one. While we were there I asked the doctor about the likelihood of Tootie getting the flu and she said that they were already calling in prescriptions for Tamiflu for siblings and to call them if Tootie developed a fever. That is a good piece of info there, because I gave Moggie a grape Chilly Willy when we got home and she started eating it, and I found Tootie finishing it off. By my calculations, Tootie should break out with her fever on Saturday morning, causing me to miss Moggie's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese on Sunday. There are times where I'd rather have the flu than spend a few hours at CEC, but I would like to be there for my own kid's birthday party.

For the Love of God

Could someone please tell me how in the fuck to watch a downloaded tv episode on my fucking iPod Touch!?? I'm about to have to resort to digging out the manual and nothing good can come of that, my friends. I have a sick child to get to the doctor and the dishwasher hasn't begun unloading itself yet so there's no way I can allow myself to get caught up in a technical manual. I'm to the point with this iPod that I would probably open the door to anyone ringing my doorbell and shove it at them and say, "Please, just take this goddamned thing" and send them on their way.

Not that my patience has been worn thin by three days with a feverish child or anything, but I have a date with Fidel's coffee machine and a bottle of Bailey's after this appointment with the pediatrician has been completed to my satisfaction. Thirsty Thursday will just have to begin a day early.

Don't Do That

Last night, Fidel cooked a steak for me as an early birthday meal. I had a filet and he had a porterhouse. He was talking about the location of the steaks on the whole cow and showing me how it helped the cow move and I completely lost my appetite for beef. I do not need to be reminded that meat comes from an actual animal, especially while I have a mouth full of that delicious animal. Thank God that I was on the last few bites. I managed to finish chewing that bite enough to swallow it and I fed the last two bites to my dogs. Luckily, I have a horrible memory and soon that conversation will be forgotten and I can start enjoying meat again.

Enough Already!

Here I sit with a sick child, again. I expect some social workers to show up and evaluate me for Münchhausen's by Proxy at any time. (<--You may thank spell check for the proper spelling back there) Given the illnesses in the past two months, my children would be a gift from heaven for lazy MBP mothers. Maybe I'll start an outreach program to let the attention-whore mothers take these two sickies to the doctor's office every other day. I can't even bear to email Moggie's preschool teacher to tell her that Moggie is sick. I'd rather them think we are being lazy than to know that she's here running a fever.

We were just at the doctor's office on Thursday for an ear infection. Now that I think about it, Moggie probably picked up something there. I can only keep her off of the floor for so long, and the dirtier the floor, the harder it is to keep her off of it. I have a little germophobe in me and I cringe at touching things in doctors offices, retail stores and any bathroom that isn't within the walls of my own home. Moggie didn't inherit that sensibility and she prefers to perfect her snake impersonation in any public bathroom or doctor's office waiting room that she can find. I turn around to hang up my purse and in that short amount of time I can hear, "Look, I'm an anaconda. Ana-con-da, say it with me, ana-con-da, say it louder...". She also lives to drink her bathwater. She doesn't wipe her butt properly, then gets into the tub with fecal matter on her, which transfers to the water and goes right down her throat as she sucks water from toys and washcloths. I have begged her, threatened her, taken the toys, and no matter what, that kid will drink her bathwater. Last night I lost it on her and screamed about there being poop in the bathwater and they both looked at me like I had 2 heads or something. F'ing kids.

No He Didn't

Tonight, Fidel and I went to our neighborhood Valentine's Social at the clubhouse. There was a questionnaire to submit about your first date, length of courtship, most embarrassing story, etc. and I was busy running my mouth and I let Fidel fill out the paper for us. I figured we would win "Shortest Courtship" and we did (78 days) but I had no idea that Fidel would include our most embarrassing story on the sheet, to be viewed by our neighbors.

We got married in Hawaii and our reception was in Waikiki. I was 22, Fidel was 27 and we drank a LOT at our reception. On our way to our hotel, I guess I got hot or something because I took off my top. And spoke Japanese to some Japanese tourists on the trolley next to us in traffic. And 11 years later, my husband would tell this story to our neighbors. I'd almost rather that he told them that I wake myself farting in my sleep, but I guess he had to save something for next year.

Wiener Dog Sandwich

Aren't these two cute enough to eat on a sandwich? These puppies have the same parents as our dog. I could just eat them. I just got mauled by a wiener dog but yet I'd grab these two if Fidel would let me. The red one looks just like our Charlie and I'm loving the little black one.