Happy Mother's Day!

My evil uterus has chosen to reenact the crowning moment of motherhood by making me feel like I'm giving birth all over again today. I'm as bloated as a week-old whale carcass and am having cramps comparable to labor pains.

In other news, Fidel and the girls bought me my pretty giraffe purse! I have to exchange it since it's too big and roomy but still, it sure does look pretty sitting there. He got me the large hobo version and while more organized women may fawn over the roominess, all I can see is the mess my junky ass will accumulate inside there.

Enjoy your day, mothers!