Dear Lug Nut Thief

If times are so hard that you have resorted to stealing lug nuts from 4-year old Toyota Siennas, may I suggest you head on down to the car wash to apply for a job. Notice I didn't suggest any fast-food joints, and that's because I enjoy me some fast food and if you are retarded enough to steal lug nuts from my Van of Shame, you surely don't need to be burdened with the responsibility of making McRibs. You see, there is this place right around the corner called the TOYOTA DEALERSHIP and they will sell you as many lug nuts as you can carry out of there. They sold me one for $5 back in October and now I have to go back to buy another one from them. Come to think of it, I suspect that you only stole one and the service department turds that put on my new tires in October failed to tighten the lug nuts completely, ensuring that I would be back for a new lug nut and perhaps an interior detail. They probably just want me to give in and let them do that thing they wanted to with my brakes but as long as the VOS is stopping I'm not dropping another dime on her. Take that, service department.

I think I need to go take a pill because I'm all paranoid about this lug nut thing. See how my brain went from thinking someone stole my lug nut to suspecting that the service department has plotted to make me return? That's crazy, my friends. I'm crazy with high-speed internet access. Good think I'm lazy and afflicted with ADD or else I'd have some internet conspiracy cult going on.