Use Your Manners, You Little Bastard

I have Neighbor Kid over here this afternoon. I've been bitten by the Christmas Spirit, or perhaps the spirits in my afternoon coffee. Either way, he's here and I haven't whacked him with a broom or hosed him down yet. I haven't even taken my happy pills today so I probably need to get on that before my good cheer wears off. Anyway, he's actually walking across my kitchen chairs. I'm decked out in my Kitchen Madonna apron, baking unnecessary Christmas treats and in my head, I was thinking, "Use your manners, you little bastard" but instead I just asked him to not walk on the furniture in my super nice voice. I'm off now to put my made-from-scratch Penne Bolognese in the oven for our dinner. Oh I can't even keep a straight face as I type that. I scratched that shit out of the deli case at Costco yesterday.