Elf on the Shelf Update

I went to the Hallmark store near my house yesterday to buy my stepmother her annual Vera Bradley bag and as I was checking out I complimented the cashier on their VB selection because they really do have a great selection. Anyway, turns out that chick was the buyer for that section so she offered me an Elf at 40% off, plus she gave me this cute penguin votive holder for free. It does pay to be nice to people. That's 2 rewards in 2 days for being so chatty and pleasant. Don't blow your drinks out of your nose, bitches, I'm actually a pleasant person to be around. I may occasionally spill something on your ass or hug you too often if I've had too much to drink but I'm not unpleasant. Where was I? Oh yes, the Elf. The girls named him Nick and he's cute. They loved the story but Tootie said the Elf was wooden and not real, that I bought him in a store. I'm not above lying so I told her that he was indeed magical and from the North Pole. It's funny to watch the girls get away from the Elf to do their devilment, like fighting. Nick is on the mantle today and when they start scrapping they stop and take the fight to another room to avoid Nick's detection. I think Nick is going to do something naughty tonight. Fidel and I are going to a party a few doors down and I know I'll drink despite my gouty foot because I like to drink more than I'm afraid of a little pain, so there's no telling what Nick will get into.