Stupid Pumpkin

The Great Pumpkin was a bust. Maybe I was stood up because I didn't view the obligatory network airing of the GP, nor did I watch the DVD of it that we own. Or maybe it's because the Great Pumpkin is a big orange turd and can't be bothered to bring a little laptop to the woman who worked tirelessly all month to bring Halloween joy to some kids, JWs be damned. Either way, I'm here on this broke-ass laptop with multicolored vertical lines running down the screen. Looks like Santa is going to be getting lucky because I really, really need a new computer. How else can I bring joy to the ten of you reading me every day?

To soothe my wounds of neglect, I bought myself a pretty apron I've been lusting for. I had PayPal balance and last night I made apple dumplings, from scratch, and wore flour to trick or treat. Of course the flour was the final accessory to my Tipsy Housewife costume that I rocked, if I do say so myself. Perhaps I had so much flour down the front of me because I was sifting while drinking, but if I had a beautiful apron then I wouldn't have been covered in flour. If I didn't have two prima donna girls I wouldn't have been drunk at 6 pm but if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass, yada yada yada. Oh get this. I slammed my drink so we could go out to beg for candy, because I didn't think it would be appropriate to walk around with booze. Boy was I wrong! Apparently it's A-ok to do that in this neighborhood because I saw moms with glasses of wine, no shame. I swear I will shed these crazy Baptist ideas one day, and my tipsy housewife costume will include a wine glass.