Homework or Diapers

If anyone ever gives you a choice of being in the diaper stage or in the homework stage, I promise you that the diaper stage is far easier. Sure, you will be face-to-face with some else's feces but fecal matter pales in comparison to the evilness of a kindergartener trying to avoid homework. My kindergartener in particular has a special gift for making herself scarce when she's needed to do homework, clean up, or anything that will point her in the direction of being a responsible and self-sufficient human being. One minute she's a human tapeworm, the next I am chasing her down and pulling her out of shrubberies to make her write four simple sentences or put away her shoes. Her line of bullshit is so strong, that while brainstorming on tonight's four sentences about the community helper she is dressing as tomorrow, she said, "Mama, let's just say 'Take a guess' and make them guess what I am". I told her, "Tootie. You will be wearing a nurse's outfit as you give this oratory tomorrow. You aren't commando nurse, people will know what you are by what you are wearing". She fought me a long time on that one. I finally got to the point with Princess Lazybones that she was about to need a nurse and I was needing some vodka. Luckily for us both, we hammered out those four pitiful sentences without anyone bleeding or getting hammered.

I would love to write more but I think there will be an awards ceremony here shortly for me to accept my Mother of the Year plaque. Unless they heard me telling her she was going to be on the back of a garbage truck dumping curbies into the hopper if she didn't stop being so lazy. Dammit, screwed myself out of that award again.