Bible Action Figures

Over Christmas, I was in the Wal-Mart toy section and I noticed these strange-looking dolls in the Barbie section. They looked like hobos but I knelt down to get a closer look, and it turns out they were Biblical action figures. Jesus Barbies. I guess that might be a good idea for some children, like Rod and Todd Flanders. They wouldn't be a good idea for my kids because they would be hanging out with the hooker Barbies and before you knew it they would be naked and surrounded by hoochie fairies, like poor Prince Eric is. Prince Eric lives on my keeping room sofa, and Ariel has to share him with the hoochie fairies from Fairytopia. The blue-haired one is the worst hooch of them all. The other day, Tootie was playing with the blue fairy and Eric while Ariel laid on the floor. As the Sapphire Skank sweet-talked Prince Eric into kissing and getting married, I grabbed Ariel, air-swam over to Eric and had her pull the blue fairy's hair and told her to get her skank ass away from her man before she got cut.

Of course I didn't really do that. I'm planning to wait until the kids are out of elementary school before I teach them the art of catfighting.