Dear Children of Mine

Mommy just spent a ton of money on a dvd player for her car. In case you haven't noticed, Mommy cannot even see the screen from the driver's seat, and she's often burdened with listening to Tom and Jerry or Shrek when she would much rather be listening to Hair Nation or Blue Collar Comedy, all because you are too lazy to put on your wireless headphones. Now I'm used to making those small sacrifices for you two angels, but if I'm putting Jeff Foxworthy on hold, you better be watching some goddamned Tom and Jerry instead of screaming at each other about who is the better whistler. I'll settle that and let you both know that blowing isn't whistling. Not at all. You do not sound like a bird, unless it's a damn annoying emu or something. You are far from nightingales, my sweets. Zip it and watch the movie.