The Summer of My Discontent

This spring, Fidel's business underwent major growth, but with growth comes more bills and so we have been really conservative with money this entire summer. Fidel gets used to this but it's killing me. I like to shop. I also like to go on vacation and we didn't even take a weekend trip this year. I really think that I'm more high-strung when I don't get a vacation fix. Our anniversary is in January so if he loves me he will find someone to take care of our children and dogs and cats and turtle so that he can take me somewhere halfway spectacular and drop me off at the spa while he goes golfing. And I'm not talking a spa where they serve cranberry juice and steamed salmon medallions for lunch. I want a spa where they mix champagne and orange juice for breakfast and graduate to straight champagne for lunch. Every time I sit in the pedicure chair I think how much better life would be if champagne was served as I'm getting my feet scrubbed. I told Fidel that I would like a boozing nail place and he suggested that a topless nail place would go over much better. I have boobs of my own to look at dude, I don't need nipple contact as I'm getting my calves massaged. Besides, I get the heebie-jeebies enough seeing the ladies come in with the big old curling-under gross ass toenails. This one time I was sitting there having a mini-panic attack because this lady's toenails were so freaking scary. I was ready to flee, barefoot and covered in scrubbing salt. Instead I took a deep breath and shoved my magazine in front of my face so that I couldn't see them use the horse hoof trimmers I know they had to use to cut through those bad boys.

Anyway, I'm dying to go somewhere. I'd even be happy to go to Dollywood. I'd prefer to go to Charleston and drop the kids off with my family. Normally I wouldn't consider such an idea but I am desperate. Besides, they have kept my nephew alive for a few months now since my skankbag sister doesn't take care of him. I normally choose caregivers using factors like interaction, positive influence, healthy meals, etc., but at this point I'd just be happy to settle for them keeping the kids alive for 3 days. Mommy's desperate. Keep them alive, don't call me unless they are bleeding. On second thought, you have the same blood type so just give them some of your blood.