We Miss You

I'm getting postcards from WW saying, "We miss you". I signed up for monthly pass so they are still getting my money but apparently they still want me to come in to get weighed. If I could pay more and have them come to me, I'd totally do that. I bet they don't do that because things would get ugly. I would see the WW van pull up, and I'd run out the door with a bag of Reese's Cups in my hands. They would have to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun like a bear and then drag my fat, slobbering ass up on a scale. I don't see that working. It would definitely give the neighbors something to talk about, though.

Anyway, I'm dragging my ass to WW this morning to get back on the wagon. Yee-f'ing-haw. Even going to WW is better than watching Sylvia Brown on Montel. She's like a grouchy little troll. People are all emotional asking her questions about their ghosts and she's all monotone with no expression. If I have a ghost in my house messing around, I want somebody with some emotion. Get excited, bitch! I'm not telling you about my boring breakfast, I'm talking about a freaking ghost. I want eyes bugging, mouth in an O, hands on cheeks. Then you say, "Holy Shit, you have to move NOW"! Then you say, "Just kidding, boil some garlic and cross your eyes and the ghost will go into the light" or something else easy but effective. I don't have a lot of patience so I think a ghost would just give up on me. It could scare me a time or two but after that I'd be telling it to get a new game or get lost. I'd be the first person in history to have a ghost give up and sit down to watch some tv.